Marlee Nicolos had thought it almost a given that she would one day tear an ACL. It seemed to happen to everyone, and one day it would happen to her too.
That didn’t lessen the blow when the Santa Clara women’s soccer goaltender suffered a knee injury late in her first season. Then when she tore it up again in September 2021, it just felt cruel.
“It’s a club I didn’t want to be a part of,” she said. “But now that I’m here, I’m so proud of everyone who’s been there.”
Although studies have revealed the prevalence of these injuries in athletes, who number in the hundreds of thousands each year, and specifically among female soccer players, who are four to six times more likely to tear their ACL than their counterparts male researchers and medical professionals are only just beginning to grasp their mental impact.
Injuring yourself while playing a sport is its own form of loneliness; a player not only loses their ability to participate in something they’re really good at, but also their sense of community. Sure, she can hang out with her teammates and watch games, but that’s not the same as when she’s a contributor.
This is the reason why 40% of athletes who tear their ACL suffer from anxiety and depression afterwards, according to the Stone Clinic.
The world of sport is facing a mental health problem. This story is part of a series examining the challenges faced at all levels of competition and how they are overcome.
Stanford striker Emily Chiao’s history of knee trauma hasn’t prepared her for the mental rigors of nine-month rehabilitation after tearing up her ACL moments in the 2021 season opener.
“It’s really traumatic, like I’ve completely pushed (the game) out of my mind,” Chiao said. “So sometimes, lying in my bed, I thought, here’s what happened then. I never wanted to see the video and I still haven’t. I can play everything in my head.
“An ACL is really intimidating in general,” she said. “You have to master the fact that you wake up in your bed and you can’t lift your leg. It feels like a milestone every day.
About 34% of football players who tear their ACL do so a second time. A study published in the Journal of Athletic Training stated that any primary ACL injury causes an impaired neuromuscular control cascade that influences the risk of a second injury.
Nicolos wasn’t as shaken the second time around by the changes beyond his control – the fact that his legs were different sizes as his muscles receded, for example – and tried to focus on the grueling process of rebuilding. leg strength.
Between his past experience and the growing list of football players in his life who could give qualified advice, it felt like another rite of passage.
“I had a little comfort that I knew what to expect,” Nicolos said. “It’s sad, but it’s part of women’s soccer. I have so many friends who have done it.

Above: Santa Clara goaltender Marlee Nicolos tore her anterior cruciate ligament twice. Left: USF freshman midfielder Cade Mendoza (17) suffered an ACL injury while still in high school.
Scott Strazzante, staff photographer / The ChronicleNicolos, a communications student who will have two more seasons with Santa Clara, made a film about ACL recovery after her second injury for one of her classes.
“Once it happened to you, it’s close to your heart,” she said.
For some, like Jordan Angeli, it happens three or more times.
“Everyone has always called me mentally tough,” said the former Santa Clara (2004-06) player who now works as an analyst on Columbus MLS broadcasts. “And then I was struggling mentally, and I thought wow, if I’m this, it must be difficult for everyone. No amount of mental strength will get you through this. You have to learn to put some of those thoughts aside .
The Journal of the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons cited a study that stated that “patients with ACL injuries experienced seven times more depression from baseline and experienced mood disturbances and lowered self-esteem”.
Angeli’s first two surgeries took place less than a year after her chart surgery was not done correctly the first time around. She tore it up again on a non-contact play during a header, and a third time when tackled in her first professional season.
“I knew it shouldn’t be like this,” she said.
In her isolation, Angeli found community in the physical and mental trauma of ACL recovery. She founded the ACL Club in 2015 and a podcast that highlights athletes who have come through injury.
“I felt like people were craving a community,” she said. “It’s traumatic when you feel it. Your knee is basically dislocated and then the ACL is torn. It’s a feeling you never want to feel again. It’s such an unnatural feeling.
With ACL recovery times faster and surgeries less invasive than in decades past, the rise in notoriety among elite female athletes can be attributed to playing year-round in a only sport from an early age, said Nirav Pandya, associate professor of orthopedic surgery at UCSF.
“The hardest thing was at lower levels,” Pandya said. “I’ve seen girls who need surgery and I’m like, God, you’re 10 and you just tore your ACL.”

Santa Clara’s Sally Menti (right), who is recovering from an ACL injury, stands on the sidelines with teammate Lucy Mitchell, who is recovering from an ankle injury.
Scott Strazzante, staff photographer / The ChronicleFemale athletes who play soccer or basketball all year have a 5% chance of tearing their ACL each year they play their sport. That’s a 20% chance of tearing your ACL while playing high school football.
The college careers of USF freshmen Hannah Burns and Cade Mendoza will all be post-ACL recovery. They had both already signed up to play for the Dons when they suffered their injuries.
Some committed athletes fear losing their scholarship if they are injured as a high school student. Mendoza said USF assured her she was not at risk, but anxiety still gripped her mind.
“There was nothing you could do, you can’t go back,” she said. “I really cried here and there.”
Mendoza and Burns bonded from their injuries at different times during recovery. They have also both received advice from senior Marie Marlow, who tore her anterior cruciate ligament last season.
“We consoled ourselves because football is our life, and now you’ve come out of it so abruptly,” Mendoza said. “It’s a glass box, you can see it, but you can’t get into it.”
Burns’ process was particularly difficult; she was not operated on until three months after the initial injury. She started training on her own, but watching the Dons from the sidelines has been both a blessing and a curse to her mental recovery.
“At first it was difficult,” she says. “We have home games that you go to and it makes you want to play. The first few months were the hardest, trying to figure out how it happened.
Athletes who tore an ACL when pandemic restrictions were in place faced even deeper isolation, making recovery more emotionally daunting, both Nicolos and Mendoza said. Most classes were remote or with social distancing. Being part of a team lacked its usual closeness. In college football for the first down, players could only go through with one teammate in practice.
The mental health side effects of injury recovery are just beginning to be analyzed in the medical industry.
At Santa Clara, athletes are screened for anxiety and depression during recovery, said the school’s sports psychologist, Tyler Webster.
“Systemically, we’re building this idea that to deal with that big loss (of a season or a career), you have to focus on the emotional and mental impact,” Webster said. “Before, in sport, it was always you who hid your injuries and recovered as fast as you could and only sat down if it was really bad. Now I think we all know that’s not anymore best practice.
Young players recovering from an ACL injury, middle school through college, face unique challenges in that their minds and bodies experience trauma at a formative age.
“You take a young teenager with knee surgery, and he starts having degenerative changes in his knee at 19 or 20,” Pandya added. “A lot of times athletes focus on the short term, but in seven or eight years the knee is going to hurt even more. We don’t yet know what other effects it can have on your mind as well.
After Nicolos tore her anterior cruciate ligament for the first time, she experienced a mental block running backwards and coming to a complete stop, which left her unsure if she could return. She felt lost.
Ultimately, she broke through through Room Visualization Technique sessions, where everything she could feel at the time of the injury was replicated.
“So she really had to visualize herself doing this move over and over without hurting herself,” Webster said.
The second time she tore it, there was no clear play Nicolos could point to for the trauma, so coming back wasn’t as mentally difficult from that standpoint. She knew just by throwing the ball that something was wrong and felt an adjustment after being hit in the previous game.
“Not knowing if her knee would hold up or be strong enough to do the things she’s used to, that was a real scare,” Webster said. “A lot of coping is about this anticipatory anxiety.”
This lingering anxiety is common at this club.
Sometimes Chiao still stops when she feels a pinch in her knee. Mendoza spoke of the frustration that she couldn’t explode towards the ball as quickly as before. Burns still doesn’t know what that first time on the court will look like.
Twice, Nicolos knows how they feel. The fear was not entirely dispelled from her mind, but the joy of returning to football overtook her as she started every game this season for Santa Clara.
She hopes to one day see a landscape where ACL tears are not a rite of passage for elite female soccer players.
“Getting the first game under my belt was a sigh of relief,” she said. “As I can do, it hasn’t ruined my life.”
Marisa Ingemi is a staff writer for the San Francisco Chronicle. Email: marisa.ingemi@sfchronicle.com
#Epidemic #ACL #injuries #womens #football #brings #mental #health #toll